When your ‘big knickers’ simply aren’t big enough!

I’d like to start by thanking Sir Philip Green for the current range of stretchy high waist leggings available in Topshop. You sir, have got me through the festive season. I couldn’t have left the house without your help. Friends please note, I now own several pairs of these so am not in fact living in the same trousers day in, day out. Special mentions must also go out to Boohoo for their range of swing dresses, at least these come in different colors so I almost look like I’m mixing it up a bit.

I know a bit weight gain is to be expected….especially when you add the festive season into the mix but when you can no longer fit into ‘those pants’, the ones reserved for time of the month or the last few days of an all inclusive holiday you know you might be eating a bit too much. I’m not sure it’s even the quantity of food, it’s probably more down to my choices. At the moment all I want is salty foods, usually stuff with gravy. I’d probably have gravy on my Rice Krispies (other rice based cereals are available) if the opportunity arose.

I’m not going to be too hard on myself though, I’ve read that it’s easier to get back into a healthier eating regime in the 2nd trimester….I’m guessing that’s because I might have some actual energy to get back in the kitchen. Here’s hoping.

Apart from the constant rustling of sweet wrappers, this has been my quietest Christmas ever, I have ‘forced myself’ to socialise on the grand total of 3 occasions. I’ve found it quite difficult to get motivated to go out and got upset at myself the other day for choosing to stay in in my pyjamas rather than go out with friends, it’s not like me to turn down a night out. I’ve been assured that it’s perfectly normal to want to go into hibernation mode in early pregnancy so that makes me feel a bit better…..and a bit stupid for weeping over staying at home with exclusive use of the remote control. I think I’m over it now though, I went out last night with no issues (it may have been the thought of a proper cooked meal that swayed me mind).

So, as the last hours of 2014 approach, and only the rubbish hard centres are left in the tin of Quality Street I’d like to wish you all a Happy New Year.

We started our 2nd frozen cycle on 1st January 2014, and although we always remained positive I don’t think we quite expected that we would start 2015 being almost 10 weeks pregnant. As well as being our quietest Christmas it’s also been the best and we can’t wait for our 1st one as a little family next year. Right, soppy stuff out of the way…..soz!

Happy New Year y’all. Thanks for reading over the past few months and thanks for sharing your stories. I truly hope everyone gets what they want and deserve in the year to come. Much love xxx

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Stay Positive!

I always hoped that I’d be able to write this post, however I wasn’t expecting it to be so soon. To cut to the chase, I appear to be up the mother-flippin duff! Of course, going through IVF you hope that it will, one day, end in a positive pregnancy result but when it does it’s a bloody big shock.

The shock and disbelief first kicked in on Tuesday evening. In previous cycles I’ve never done a home test before having my blood test at the clinic. I was always too scared of the result and wanted to stay in my little bubble of maybe being pregnant. This time I did actually feel different and the not knowing was making me feel more anxious than usual. We decided to go ahead and do one, thinking it was better to put ourselves out of our misery earlier. For the 1st time ever we saw that elusive second line. Cue 10 minutes of staring and going back to check it several times, at different angles, in different lights, in different rooms, via a photo taken on his phone?!?!?!?

We kept it to ourselves and vowed not to take it as gospel so as not to be let down on Wednesday if the blood test came back negative. I went in for my test early Wednesday morning, prepared for the long wait to get the results back. In the past I’ve generally received the call at around 4:50 so when my phone rang just after 3pm a little bit of me thought it must be good news. And it was, the best news I’ve ever had!!!

We’re both still in complete shock and it doesn’t feel real. I’d always imagined that the scenario of getting a positive would be totally different to the reality. I didn’t think I’d be ringing the other half while he was at work to just say “good news” as he was with his apprentice, nor did I imagine I’d be on the phone to my mother whilst sitting in a Tesco car park, telling her off for crying (and therefore making me cry) as there was a man in the car opposite looking at me like I’d lost the plot….or my Clubcard perhaps. It’s not like that in the movies.

So, over 24 hours have passed since we got the results that we’ve dreamed of for ages now. I still can’t quite believe it and don’t think I will until our 1st scan. The other half won’t believe it until I’ve actually given birth.

I’d not really considered what I would do with regards to blogging when we did fall pregnant, maybe deep down I had come to terms with the fact that it just might not happen. As I started this blog with the intention of sharing our story, I’m going to keep it up as I’m actually enjoying the process of writing…..and it’s good to have success stories out there. If you want to keep reading that’s fab but I’ll totally understand if those of you following me who are going through the same process find it difficult to read and stop following me (I’ll still be following you though……does that sound a bit stalkerish?). Also, to friends and family reading this who I may not have told yet can I ask that we keep it between ourselves (and this internationally accessed publishing platform 🙂 )for now as it’s still very early days.

In the words of Morrissey…….Still Ill

I forgot to update this after I’d had the call from the clinic about our remaining 5 embryos. Mainly because I’m still feeling dreadful so have been spending the time trying not to die (too dramatic?) or just moping around feeling sorry for myself (more likely).

I spent the first couple of days convincing myself that being ill would have a negative impact on the transfer and panicking every time I coughed or sneezed. I’ve spent the rest of the week googling stories of transfers followed by illness and am happy to report there are a lot of success stories around so I’ve calmed myself down.

In a way, feeling like this has distracted me from feeling or looking for any symptoms of a positive result so it may be a blessing in disguise. It hasn’t stopped my other half from symptom spotting though. He excitedly asked if I’d been being sick after a particularly noisy coughing bout in the bathroom this morning, I felt bad explaining that in fact I’d just been coughing my lungs up. Lovely stuff!

Anyway, illness aside and back to the important stuff. The embryologist called to let us know that along with the 2 top quality ones that they were freezing that day one of the remaining good quality embryos had developed significantly also so we now have 3 in storage in total. I was a bit disappointed initially that the other 2 hadn’t made it but we have to be grateful for the ones we have. Hopefully this one will stick around and we’ll not need to see our little frozen friends just yet. All will be revealed on Wednesday.

The Appliance of Science

I planned to write this yesterday after the transfer but as soon as we got back I felt the horrible cold (that I only recently got rid of) returning. So I was a little preoccupied with feeling like crap and worrying that every time I sneezed our little embryo might fly out and ricochet around the front room.

After a decent nights sleep (no one could ever accuse me of not getting my 8 hours) I’m almost feeling back to ‘normal’, apart from the usual bloating. I say bloating, I’ve put on half a stone since starting this cycle. I’ve no doubt that most of it is down to the medication, but the fact that I’ve been pretty much mainlining carbs for the past fortnight can’t have helped matters. So apart from having a cold and barely fitting into my clothes, things are fine….oh I forgot about the ridiculously sore chest-icles, I almost wept when I removed my bra last night. I wouldn’t care, it’s not like I’m blessed in that area. Let’s take a moment to think about those poor women who are better endowed than me in that area and also have to endure this side effect of the progesterone pessaries. God bless you ladies. Troopers!

Anyway, about yesterday. We arrived at the clinic with plenty of time to spare (a first), I noticed they had changed the radio station….I wonder if they read my last post?  We were called in and met with the embryologist and one of the nurses to go through the results from the egg collection. It was my favorite nurse, she always says my hair looks lovely so that’s what has earned her the accolade. They were transferring a top quality 5 day hatching blast and freezing the remaining 2 top quality ones the same day. The other 3 of good quality were still developing so they are going to call me today with regards to their progress.

We were taken to the ward and given our fetching gowns to wear for the procedure. This is usually the most challenging part for us, every time we struggle with which way to put them on, in the transfer room I spotted the embryologist had hers on the other way to us……wrong again! Still, feeling not too dissimilar to Walter White and Jesse Pinkman ready for a meth making session, we were ready to go.image

Considering past struggles with locating my awkward cervix I’m always prepared for a not so straightforward transfer. However this time it was the easiest ever, my cervix was playing nice and we were in and out in seconds….literally. It helped that the nurse had hand drawn a ‘map’ of said cervix location on our last transfer to help her should she need it again. Another reason why she’s my fave, I might ask if I can have a copy to frame for above the fireplace 😉

With it being a 5 day transfer we only have to wait 9 days for our test to determine if it’s worked. 1 day in I haven’t googled symptoms but I am already dreaming about a hot bath, this is the thing I find hardest during the 2ww,  a warm bath just won’t cut it. I’m just going to have to make do with a shower to try and steam out this cold. At least the sneezing has subsided so I can uncross my legs.

Eggs-cellent news (sorry)

Just had the call from the clinic. All 6 are still going strong, 3 excellent quality and the other 3 good quality. Needless to say we are chuffed with that outcome, I even burst into tears after the phonecall haha #hormones

We’re back there on Monday afternoon for the transfer and then comes the dreaded two week wait. So from Monday stashes of pregnancy tests will be binned, I’ll be disconnecting the internet to avoid Googling and I will not walk around cupping my breasts every 2 minutes to gauge soreness whilst trying to determine if it’s worked or not. Scouts honor!!!

Only a brief update today as I’ve got an important date….it’s my beautiful nieces 1st birthday party, I’m on DJ duty (sister is very trusting) and I’ve also appointed myself chief buffet taster. Have a great weekend and rave safe kids!

True dat!

True dat!

Sunny Side Up

Yesterday we arrived at the hospital for our egg collection at 8:30, not sure why but we both felt really anxious this time around. I think it’s because on your 1st cycle although you know all the stats etc you’re still excited and convince yourself it’s going to work. This time around you feel a bit more informed, know more about the procedures and know that the outcomes aren’t always what you expect.

I’m not a fan of hospitals (like most people) but this one I can handle. It’s more homely, the staff are lovely and it has a nice relaxed vibe about it. Although if I had a say I would recommend they fix the hot drinks machine and change their preferred radio station….but you can’t have everything.

We got settled in and dried off after being caught in a downpour on our way from the car to the hospital (twice, as I’d cleverly left the consent forms on the car seat). The drowned rat look worked really well with the no make up for treatment policy….I was looking hot!

All checked in, the other half was ordered into a small room to ‘make his donation’, I warned him to take his time so as not to show me up 😉 and I was taken into theatre to be sedated ready for the collection. You can’t beat a bit of sedation after months sans booze.

10 minutes and a bit of prodding later I was back on the ward and left to doze and recover for an hour or so. The most painful bit was having to endure a bit of Neil Diamond on Smooth Radio.

After a cuppa and some toast (most of which was scranned by OH) we spoke to the embryologist who told us they had collected 11 eggs. Good work! We’ve had the call this morning to say that 9 of them matured and 6 have fertilized. Now it’s just more waiting (it’s what we do best) until Saturday when they’ll call to let us know if they’re going to transfer that day or take them to Monday.

In the meantime I’m going to get my glad rags on…..if I can still fit into any of them and enjoy a girls night out tonight. Designated driver obvs!

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The shots are on me

We had our final scan today and ta-daaaa we have 12 follicles in all, ranging from 16 – 25mm. Quite a growth spurt over the weekend, the only time I’ve ever actively encouraged a gaining of size when it comes to my body. If my hips had added millimetres this quickly you would find me in a heap on the floor whilst screaming at the other half to fit a lock on the fridge pronto.

This mornings shots

This mornings shots

Egg collection is 8:30 am on Wednesday which means no more injections, apart from the HCG ‘trigger shot’ in approx 10 minutes time. We’re excited to get cracking with the main event and I’m totes excited about the prospect of a lie in tomorrow after around 5 weeks of early morning drug related alarms. I’m even looking forward to the sedation for the egg collection….any extra ‘sleep’ is welcomed. I’ll keep you posted on the outcome but for now I’m off to shoot up for the final time hopefully.

The final shot! Hallelujah

The final shot! Hallelujah